What to Drink on St. Patrick's Day

DUKE CANNON'S LIST OF ACCEPTABLE ST. PATRICK'S DAY BEVERAGES

Saint Patrick's Day is but a few wee days from now, and that means the streets will soon be awash with lads and lasses whirling about with a puckish glee. OK, that's enough of that—the point is, St. Patrick's Day is near. And once you leave your doorstep on that day, you'll immediately be faced with a mob of well-meaning folks dressed in green, all thrusting beverages into your hands. Here is a handy list that will help you make informed thirst-slaking decisions on this special day.

GREEN BEER

Harnessing the same technology used to transform the Chicago River into a jade tributary, every year countless kegs of cheap beer are injected with green food coloring and served up to the thirsty, celebratory hordes. While not exactly considered a blessing for the taste buds, on this special day the visual effect is what matters. And on that front, green beer delivers in spades—or is that clovers?

REGULAR BEER

Obviously, a plain old glass of beer is perfectly acceptable; just know that you will score zero points for originality or adventurousness.

A PINT OF GUINNESS

As Irish as stew (and twice as filling), this hearty stout has been a gateway beer for many-a-lad parked on a pub stool on St. Paddy's Day. And while the "black stuff" might not be what the doctor ordered for wetting one's whistle on a scorching summer day, it fits like the proverbial glove on this occassion.

IRISH COFFEE

If you need us to explain that this is coffee with a splash of whisky added, then we feel bad for you. Or perhaps you just haven't had your morning cup of Irish coffee yet?

WHISKEY*

The elixir of life, some would say. In fact, Duke Cannon would say. And while certainly delicious, be warned—downing too much of the stuff throughout the day is a surefire way to ensure you make an Irish exit from the festivities.

*In Ireland and the US, Whiskey is most commonly spelled with an "e."

BAILEY'S IRISH CREAM

Duke Cannon is generally not real big on liqueurs per se, but we do like whiskey, and we do like chocolate, so go ahead and splash a little in our coffee mug. OK, fine—top us off again, but then we must be going.

BOG WATER

When you get into a raucous donnybrook that spills into a nearby bog, you may well ingest some water, so this counts.

THE LEFTOVER MILK FROM A BOWL OF LUCKY CHARMS

If you break your fast at a measured pace in the AM, taking time to reflect as we do, you will notice that the milk in your bowl has taken on a pale emerald hue due to the magical marshmallows within. This is what we refer to as "liquid gold" (even though it's green). Savor it. Green beer is all well and good—but green milk? Sláinte!

COME BROWSE OUR BIG SPRING GARAGE SALE

We need to make room in our garage, which means it's time for a good old fashioned SPRING GARAGE SALE. And with steep discounts—up to 50% off—on a wide array of soon-to-be-discontinued grooming goods, you'll definitely want to come in and have a look around.

Also—with St. Patrick's Day so near, we should mention that this is your last chance to stockpile some Shamrock Soap before it makes an Irish exit. No other soap does as good a job washing off spilt beer.